god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
