is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
