You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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