Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She bit a glass in half.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Randomize
