ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
