someone owes me an orgasm
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
