The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
