we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
