hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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