you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
a search helicopter?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
