What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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