i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
