there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
