Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
