i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
