Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
