I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
