We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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