Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
