I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Alive.
So much puke
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
