Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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