he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
