My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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