Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
