oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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