You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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