Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will pee on everything he values.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
