okay pat passed out under dana's car
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
