I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
