I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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