Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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