haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
