I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
