My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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