all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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