My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
