Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
