Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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