went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
