im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
