mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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