there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
