My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
