i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
