I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
