can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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