Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if only i could text you this smell
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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