oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
