Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
