U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
