Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
