Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need water and some morals
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
