After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
