And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
