I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
