you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
