there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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