omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
